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Sunday, June 30, 2013

Dealing with Rejection (of self and by others)


The interview went poorly… you were tongue tied and overwhelmed.

The audition was a disaster. It just wasn’t what you’re capable of doing.

So… now what?

First, everyone is entitled to feeling disappointment. But, for only a day max, preferably limited to a one hour pity party.

Second, know it’s time to get over it. We do that by examining the experience to see where we erred or could have done better. We get brutally honest and admit aloud what our ego is refusing to admit. We could have prepared better, warmed up more, focused more, known the audience better, prepared our body to coordinate with our mind by exercising and eating right long before.

Third, we may have to face the reality that we just weren’t right for the situation and find a situation that’s better for us.

Fourth, gain perspective. Yes, it was disappointing but count your blessings. Counting miseries can be habit forming. So can counting blessings.

Fifth, prepare for the next event. The old saying bears merit: when you fall off the horse, hurry up and get back on. Life is too short. Get on with it. Easy to say, but important to do. Just do it.

Let’s conclude with an example of a really bad day and what somebody did about it. Keep in mind that just because we have a right to be disappointed doesn’t mean we should.

Charlie Plumb was a naval aviator in the Vietnam War. He was shot down and spent 7 years as a POW in Hanoi. He was beaten, tortured, starved, riddled with diseases and finally made it home only to find his sweetheart had divorced him. She had loved him but the word from the Department of Defense to her was that he’d been killed in action. She held out hope for seven years but finally concluded he must be dead. She remarried — just six months before he got home. People told Charlie he had a right to be disappointed. He relished that right and began accumulating reasons justifying his misery. One day he realized he DID have a right to be miserable, but, when he had dysentery he also had a right to have diarrhea… but who would want that? So, in one immediate moment he said, “That’s enough. Time to move on.” And he did. It’s like forgiveness – we may have a right to hate someone for what they did, but when we forgive them the gall of bitterness is dissolved and we stop hurting ourselves.

So if you’ve had a bad day, my condolences, but know you’re human, we all have those days and let’s get on with making the life that will bring us joy and happiness to others.
Mark Stoddard

About Mark Stoddard

Mark Stoddard is a business leader, professor, marketer and consultant who has been helping singers get jobs for more than 20 years. On the singing front he staged more than 100 professional shows aboard cruise ships that employed classical singers, pianists and strings. He's also coached singers on how to sell their CDs and other products, use the social media and how to negotiate contracts. He's been the CEO, President or Owner of the nation's largest financial newsletter printing company, a residential and home study education company teaching finance and business, an international cruise and tour operation, and a non-profit fundraising organization. As an author he's written 17 books on business and marketing (including one just for singers—Marketing Singers) as well as a full-length musical, several plays and a book of short stories and poems. His classes at the Classical Singer Convention are always rated with the highest ratings.
Follow Mark online at
You can buy Mark's book Marketing Singers at

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