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Thursday, August 18, 2011

100 things you can say to irritate a Republican.

(Presented in fun...awaiting the opposite list to see if it is as true or fun).

1. Let’s compromise.
2. We should raise taxes.
3. Every time someone votes for Michele Bachmann, another brain cell dies.
4. Life doesn’t begin at conception.
5. Republican Geography: Asia = Chinese, South America = Mexicans, Europe = “queers”, Africa = Real black people.
6. Dinosaurs walked the Earth before Jesus did.
7. Please stop typing in all caps.
8. By creating the Constitution, the Founding Fathers grew government.
9. The Constitution gives Congress the right to raise taxes.
10. Women can do everything men can do, and then some.
11. The Founding Fathers supported socialized medicine.
12. Democrats began as conservatives, then grew brains. Republicans began as liberals, then lost theirs.
13. Soccer is a great sport.
14. Foreign beers taste better than domestic beers.
15. Reagan was president of a labor union.
16. The sun does NOT orbit the Earth.
17. Conservatives claim to be Christians and then burn crosses.
18. Jesus didn’t choose to ride an elephant, he rode a donkey.
19. Republicans drive Hummers and SUVs to make up for “deficiencies”. (You know what I mean.)
20. Pajamas, to a conservative, consist of white robes and a pointy hood.
21. Michael Moore is the greatest documentary maker of all-time.
22. The official book of the Republican Party is Mein Kampf.
23. Ayn Rand collected Social Security to her dying breath.
24. A favorite conservative activity: dressing as Nazis to re-enact killing Jews.
25. Jesus supported paying taxes.
26. Yay! Glenn Beck is no longer on Fox!
27. Oil is running out.
28. Reaching supreme masculinity, to Republicans, means chopping wood, shooting animals and beating women.
29. Republicans remind me of Elmer Fudd, Yosemite Sam, and Wile E. Coyote. They bring the guns, the stupidity, and of course, the failure.
30. Republicans: Assisting rapists since 2010.
31. Russians are much like Republicans, except Republicans are less friendly to the United States.
32. Republicans prefer to play footsie in men’s restrooms.
33. Austerity measures were demanded by Republicans in 1937. The measures passed and caused a double dip recession.
34. The GOP Christmas mascot is the Grinch.
35. Happy Holidays!
36. The GOP definition of family values includes cheating on their wives, divorcing them while they’re in the hospital, being a dead beat dad, and marrying multiple times.
37. Rush Limbaugh is the only man capable of insulting African-Americans, women, homosexuals, Democrats, and Parkinson’s Disease patients, all in the same sentence.
38. The only jobs that tax hikes destroy are the ones held by Republican politicians, everyone else gets one.
39. Science rocks!
40. Segregation was a bad idea.
41. African-Americans are just as intelligent as white people.
42. It’s “nuclear”, NOT “nucular”.
43. Republicans invented the Income Tax in 1863.
44. Ronald Reagan supported FDR through all four terms.
45. Milton Friedman found a job because of Franklin Roosevelt’s New Deal.
46. Milton Friedman was originally a Keynesian, a supporter of the New Deal and an advocate of government intervention in the economy.
47. There ARE atheists in foxholes.
48. Milton Friedman regarded the job-creation programs such as the WPA, the CCC, and the PWA appropriate responses to the Great Depression.
49. Milton Friedman helped invent the payroll tax.
50. Tell conservatives that you’re, “gay and work in the field of behavior modification.”
51. Native Americans were here first.
52. The only President to ever resign, was a Republican.
53. The Republican Party: Spying on political opponents since Watergate.
54. The Republican Party: Spying on the American people since 2001.
55. The Republican Party: Rigging elections since 2000.
56. Infrastructure programs create jobs.
57. Republicans controlled government in the 1920′s, lowered taxes on the wealthy, and caused the Great Depression; now they’re doing it again.
58. Republicans can’t pass the citizenship test.
59. Confederate generals belong in hell, NOT on license plates.
60. Conservatism: A mental illness above all others.
61. No hablo Ingles.
62. George W. Bush took way more vacation days than Obama has.
63. Republicans enjoy wearing diapers in brothels.
64. The only parts of the Constitution Republicans love are the 2nd and 10th Amendments.
65. Republicans: Rewriting textbooks to dumb America down to their level.
66. Republicans loved the death panel idea so much, they’ve created real ones.
67. Republican politicians love their government-run health care.
68. To the GOP, “poor” and “liberal” are dirty words, but “negro”, “coloreds”, “n*****”, “fag”, and “queer” are not.
69. The Republican Party: Subsidiary of Koch Industries.
70. Republicans destroy the economy and blame the American people for it.
71. Republicans are destroying the dollar to get rich investing in gold.
72. Al Gore. ‘Nuff said.
73. Keith Olbermann is the most honest man in news.
74. Real hunters don’t shoot animals from helicopters and planes.
75. Ethics: a system of moral principles that Republicans fail.
76. Republicans: Trolling Facebook since 2004.
77. George Soros is a better human being than both Koch brothers, combined.
78. Republicans are fine with cutting programs that help the sick and poor, but refuse to cut NASCAR funding.
79. A conservative’s favorite scene in Bambi is when the mother got shot. Second favorite? When the forest burned down.
80. Ronald Reagan supported the United Nations.
81. Jesus had brown skin and he didn’t speak English.
82. I just heard that Standard & Poor has downgraded the Tea Party to KK+.
83. Conservatives have succeeded in turning conservatism into a four letter word, which means they need to censor themselves.
84. Republicans can read?
85. Darth Vader: Fighting for conservative values in a galaxy, far, far away.
86. Ronald Reagan saved Social Security.
87. Theodore Roosevelt supported universal health care and believed in taxing the wealthy.
88. Jeopardy categories like ‘Major League Baseball Stadiums’, ‘Pro Football Hall of Fame Members’, ‘Nextel Cup Winners’, and ‘Unsuccessful Reality T.V. Series’ will always be dominated by Republicans. The rest of the categories? Not so much.
89. Conservatives enjoy ‘Wheel of Fortune’ because it tests physical might and exhibits female slavery (Vanna White).
90. Conservatives hate political correctness and refuse to live in a world where sexual advances are not allowed in the workplace, vomiting in the laps of foreign dignitaries is not allowed, the term ‘African-American’ is preferred to ‘darkies’, and the term ‘businessperson’ is preferred to ‘that dyke down the hall’.
91. Republicans are carnivores, with most meals consisting of 80-90% meat-based dishes. Vegetables in any meal will result in vast leftovers that may or may not require a to-go box.
92. Republicans hate Scrabble because it requires knowledge of proper spelling and minor mathematical abilities.
93. Africa is the birthplace of the human race.
94. Republicans insist on having Ranch dressing with their salads since other dressings represent foreign lands and are not trustworthy (French, Italian, Russian, etc.)
95. Conservatives hate the Kindle because it makes the lessons of book-learning easily available to children and liberals.
96. God loves everyone.
97. Sarah Palin and her family once crossed the Canadian border to get free health care.
98. The Rapture is upon us….NOT!
99. Liberals rule!
100. The Constitution is a living document.

Thank you to Charlie DiPinto or this list.

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From Christopher Rouse

PA for live impov show on Strip 

New live interactive improv game show now casting production assistants for weekly shows. Show will be Aruba Hotel 1215 south las vegas blvd. We will be at showroom doing work tomorrow. Open call interviews will be accepted from 11-3. Or reply to this email to set up an interview. We are looking for serious and committed inquiries only. Thank you, we look forward to seeing you. 

NOTE: This is from Craigslist, so take appropriate precautions.

Lone Ranger may get back in the saddle soon

Lone Ranger depp disney
Hold your horses, Tonto.
Film crew workers, who were told last week to dismantle a western town set being built near Silver City, N.M., for Walt Disney Studios' planned production of "The Lone Ranger," were instructed Wednesday night to hold off on the tear down, said a person close to the project. 
The development was an apparent sign that Disney and the film's producer Jerry Bruckheimer and director Gore Verbinski may yet resolve a budget dispute that would put the masked man and his Native American sidekick -- played by Johnny Depp -- back in the saddle. 
Since Disney suspended the project last Friday, the filmmakers have been trying to cut the estimated $250-million cost of the movie to satisfy the studio's demand to shoot the production for around $210 million.
A person close to the director said Verbinski, Depp and Bruckheimer have agreed to cut their own compensation as part of an effort to lower the budget to $230 million. The filmmakers were also willing to eliminate expensive computer-generated scenes involving supernatural sequences.
Reached by email on Tuesday, Depp was cryptic about the "Lone Ranger" project. "I think everything will work out as it should," the Oscar-nominated actor said from London, where he was at Pinewood Studios outside London working on the Warner Bros. film "Dark Shadows."
It is still unclear whether the sides will come to terms.
Representatives of Disney and Bruckheimer declined to comment. A spokeswoman for Verbinski said he was busy working and unavailable.
Last week, work was suspended on the sets under construction in New Mexico and most of the 60 workers were laid off, while a small number stayed behind to disassemble the town. Meanwhile, a separate group of crafts people building a mock train set in a warehouse in Albuquerque continued their work, said the person close to the project, who requested anonymity because he was not authorized to speak about the film.
-- Richard Verrier, Dawn C. Chmielewski and Geoff Boucher
Photo: John Hart played the Masked Man on "The Lone Ranger" television series. With him are Jay Silverheels as Tonto and their horses, Silver and Scout. Credit: Boyd Magers collection.

From the LA Times Company Town, click here for the latest in entertainment industry news.

Convention Season is beginning, list with all agents and convention companies

Magic Show Aug 22-24

Looking for females 21 to 45yrs old who can work this conv.

please email Jorina at

in the subject line please type


in the body of your email let me know what days you can work your photo.